The World Isn’t Peaceful If We’re Not: 33 Life Lessons

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We all start off as blank slates unless we’re talking about previous lives, the collective unconscious, or how the stars were aligned when we were born. But we aren’t talking about those things, interesting though they are. Not today.

Today I’m sharing life lessons I’ve learned on my road toward a more peaceful life.

Early on, lessons are learned almost as if by osmosis. It’s unconscious, in many cases. Daddy’s cigarette lighter is hot, my fingers burn, and I drop it. Lesson learned.

Or we model our behavior after our parents or other adults, without thinking, without reflection. We learn the language of our families and caretakers and say “mommy” or “auntie” or whatever word we’re taught. We learn to say full sentences to get what we need and exchange information. As our skills grow, we pattern our communication and relationship styles after those around us. Some methods work well, others don’t, and our behavior gets molded by the feedback we receive.

Later, as adults, we’re more conscious of lessons learned and we might ponder them and think about them many times. Maybe we make a mistake and see the consequence right away, and we vow to never do it again. Or maybe it takes a few repetitions before we get it right.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my life, most of them the hard way. I did something, I suffered, I learned. In some cases, I had to make the same painful mistake over and over and over again because I couldn’t see what I was doing that was creating the same unhappy result every time.

My goals in life have always been about finding inner peace.

I’ve had many other lessons concerning work, career, family, and relationships, but my success in any area always comes back down to me and who I am, how I am, and where I’m going.

Everyone has their own life lessons to learn but, in many cases, learning from others can shed light into our own halls of education so we can see our lessons more clearly. That’s always how it works for me, and I couldn’t have learned these lessons without listening to others or reading what they have written.

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1. If my goal is worthy, I can achieve it.

2. What’s popular or the latest craze isn’t necessarily good or bad, in itself. Use discernment.

3. Things don’t just happen—we make them happen.

4. I can’t do everything. I can’t master or even take up as a hobby every new thing that flicks my fancy or lights my fire.

5. Unhealed wounds attract opportunities for healing. But only if we want to learn and heal.

6. We’re drawn to the familiar in many disguises.

7. No one can do anything to me without my permission, even when I don’t see how I’m giving it.

8. We attract what we give out.

9. We produce what we take in.

10. I can’t make something work all on my own when there is someone else involved.

11. If something is not OK for me, then it’s not OK. It doesn’t matter if anyone else understands or agrees or disagrees.

12. We always have choices and options.

13. Don’t complain, just do it. Or don’t do it. Either one.

14. Don’t make hasty decisions when out of familiar territory.

15. I am not alone. I am not very different from you, and I am not so different from the moth on the window sill. We are all a part of an interconnected web of life.

16. Always check assumptions. Best bet: don’t make any.

17. If I feel like something is wrong or dangerous or not right for me, then it is. Listen and proceed with caution.

18. My life is not the same thing as my particular life situation at any given moment.

19. The road to the future is always wide open with many possibilities. I just have to find them.

20. Nobody remembers my mistakes, blunders, or goofy things I did or said like I do.

21. If I get upset or angry, there’s something in me that’s hurting. It’s not what the other person is doing, really, that’s getting me upset. If I look back, I’ll find that I’m still hurting from what someone else did to me.

22. I am not my thoughts. Thoughts flit by and I can change them and create new ones. I am in charge of my thoughts, not vice-versa.

23. Love doesn’t fix everything. It’s wonderful, but much more is needed to sustain any relationship.

24. People are responsible for their actions and reactions, not me. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take responsibility for my actions and reactions that may affect others.

25. Everyone has a unique, beautiful path.

26. My hurt is about me and your hurt is about you. But I can water seeds of love or seeds of hurt in you, and you can do the same for me. Let’s tell each other what they are, so we can be mindful of them.

27. Happiness comes from the exterior and is fleeting. Peace is within; it’s constant and unchanging, even if we can’t feel it sometimes.

28. Strength comes from within, and there’s always more where that came from. Special thanks to my late, beloved dog Hans, who taught me that one.

29. I am limited only by the limits I place on myself.

30. Sometimes, even if you love someone, you might have to leave.

31. Big lessons can come from very unlikely places. Special thanks to Hans once again, but also my cat Eliot, who is 18 years old.

32. If you know it’s the right thing to do, do it, even if you don’t know anyone else who is doing it or who agrees with you.

33. Don’t waste time in regret. Make amends or apologies if possible, learn the lesson, and embrace your good fortune in having had that opportunity to learn.

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When I first learned to ski, I fell down—a lot. But I learned my lessons. I realized what my mistakes were, and I stopped making them. I practiced new skills and new ways, over and over and over. I practiced. Within a few years, I was zooming around on expert slopes like I was born on skis.

Life is the same way. We try to walk, and we fall down. We try something new, and we fail. We can learn from our mistakes and learn new skills or we can stay on the bunny slope.

And if we don’t practice, we don’t really learn our lessons.

Skiing isn’t for everyone—we all have different classrooms, so to speak. And for me, I was never the fastest skier around nor the most graceful or skillful, but I learned a few tricks. Not many of my friends can carve turns like I can—on one foot. And few can ski uphill like I can. It’s just because they’ve never tried—and practiced—but it’s what makes me unique.

And this is my biggest life lesson, and I hope it’s yours as well:

It’s OK to be me, and even more than OK. I love being me.

Years ago, I would never have said that—not only because I didn’t feel it or believe it,  but because I was afraid of sounding conceited or narcissistic. Now I know better: it’s just plain old healthy. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else, no matter how quirky I am, what my challenges are, what mistakes I’ve made, or how hard it can be sometimes: this is my life. This is the gift I was given, and what a wonderful gift—and life—it is.

What are some of your life lessons? Are any of these your lessons as well? Comments are always welcome!

This post was written as a part of the Life Lessons Series hosted by Abubakar Jamil in collaboration with Farnoosh Brock. Abubakar’s blog Rebooting Your Mind is about “self improvement, gaining mental clarity and overcoming self-limiting beliefs.”